The Best Romantic Match for Female INTJs

The Best Romantic Match for Female INTJs

Female INTJs may face a lot of frustrations when it comes to finding and keeping a partner who shares their goals, but also brings a zeal for life and some zest into a relationship. Most MBTI sites recommend ENFPs or even ENTPs for INTJs. While ENFPs are a fairly good match for INTJs, ENTPs are surprisingly ill-suited to them! The main reason being, that ENTPs and INTJs have none of the same functions in common, which on a closer level creates more discord and issues than harmony. And ENFPs only have half of the same functions in common.

The true and unexpected dream partner for most INTJ women is an ESFP. But how so? Here are the key points.

  • Both share the same functions. INTJs and ESFPs both share Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Sensing, Introverted Feeling, and Extroverted Thinking. This creates a common ground, from which they judge and perceive the world. They both agree on what overall matters when it comes to interacting and analyzing the world, and how to act in and prioritize aspects in a romantic relationship.
  • Thinker with a Feeler. Thinkers are typically the most drawn to Feeling types, who can maintain and regulate the emotional intimacy within a relationship the best. An INTJ female may be initially interested in dating a fellow Thinker, with whom she could connect well on an intellectual basis, but more often than not, she will be drawn to the emotionality of a Feeler when she searches for love, guided by her tertiary Introverted Feeling.
  • Female Introvert with an Extrovert. According to Marti Laney PsyD MFT, (heterosexual) women feel the most drawn to and satisfied with extroverted partners. A crucial factor in this matter could be the fact that men are often culturally expected to be more extroverted than women. Besides that, in the case of INTJ-ESFP, the ESFP’s extroversion fits into another significant factor. (More on that below.)
  • Yin and Yang. According to Socionics, the two types (called ILI and SEE there) are in a so-called Duality relationship, a synergistic Yin-Yang combination, due to how the shared functions are symmetrically fueling and mirroring the other: Ni and Se, Fi and Te, and so forth. Both types are strong at what the other type is weak at, and vice versa. In a romantic relationship, this can be extremely beneficial, for obvious reasons; your partner can step up where you need it, and vice versa – all under the common goals of your shared functions.

At last, you may wonder: But what about the N-S and P-J mismatching?  Truth: N-S and J-P “mismatching” is not an issue, and can actually be complementary as long as both types share the same functionsOther good matches for INTJ women: INTJ, ISFP, ENTJENFP (when both are “ambiverted”), ESTP (when both are not “ambiverted”) What are your thoughts on or experiences with INTJ-ESFP relationships? Tell us in the comments. 🙂

How to Be a Super Confident ENFP

How to Be a Super Confident ENFP

What Is Confidence?

Imagine the most confident person you can think of. He does what he feels is right, whether or not society agrees with him. He allows his authentic self to shine without worrying that others won’t accept him. He identifies what’s important and works to achieve it. Even when he doesn’t have the answers, he makes an educated guess and moves forward. He doesn’t judge those around him; instead, he offers help wherever he can. He strives to improve himself while accepting his flaws.

Confidence and Personality

This supremely confident person could have any personality type – confidence is not dependent on how extroverted or introverted you are, or whether you make decisions with your head or your heart. Confidence comes from accepting and utilizing your individual strengths without concern for the opinion of others. As an ENFP, you can take advantage of your personality type to develop confidence in your own unique ways.

ENFP’s Biggest Confidence Shakers

ENFPs are very open minded and withhold judgement even when a judgement would be appropriate. You’re usually very perceptive about people and able to quickly assess situations, but your lack of judgement can sometimes work against you. You might be too willing to believe someone who is untruthful because you were unwilling to apply judgement to them. This shakes your confidence because it makes you feel like you’re unable to see people for what they are. Rely on your intuition when you feel something is amiss.

As an ENFP, you have an extreme dislike for conflict and criticism, especially when it’s coupled with an attempt to control you. You’re very tolerant of others, so you find it hurtful when someone doesn’t treat you the same way. You may find their lack of tolerance difficult to forgive, and harbor unexpressed anger over it. Remember that every criticism you hear isn’t necessarily a personal attack. Apply some judgement to the situation and analyze it objectively.

ENFPs can fall into a habit of never finishing a project, keeping a job, or sticking with a relationship. You want to fully explore concepts and gain a deep understanding of them, but with a lack of structure, your desire to understand everything can lead you to jump from topic to topic, job to job, or relationship to relationship, leaving you unsatisfied. This pattern may settle down as you grow older, but if it does not, it will be necessary to make an effort to focus your attention so that you don’t end up wandering through your entire life. If you feel like you can’t achieve the depth of understanding you desire, take some time to decide what is most important to you.

ENFP’s Biggest Confidence Boosters

As an ENFP, you already have many traits that naturally lend themselves to confidence. You’re charming and fun to be around. You’re loyal, dedicated, and you inspire others. You’re energetic, warm, and optimistic. These qualities will often inspire others to support your opinions and ideas. When you do run across someone who disagrees with you, you might be surprised and unsure how to proceed. You will be inclined to take the disagreement personally.

Instead of becoming angry, take a step back and think about what they said. It might have been a completely objective comment that was not personal at all. When you think about the situation from a more neutral standpoint, you might find some value in it. A confident person sticks to his ideas even in the face of differing opinions, while being open to new points of view.

You’re always searching the world for input that will help you understand the “big picture” and you use that information to create your own highly-valued morals. Once you form them, you’re passionate about your beliefs. A confident ENFP will proudly adhere to his beliefs even when those around him do not agree. You’re sure of your decisions and you stick to them.

ENFPs accept and value people as individuals. They are also in tune with society and easily understand what’s socially acceptable. This combination means that you can easily fit in, while also inviting and accepting those who don’t. This makes you very likable. You’re intuitive and creative, and can find unique ways to apply your skills. Follow your intuition and allow your creativity to flourish without concern over other’s opinions, and you will be a very confident ENFP.

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How To Be a Super Confident INTJ

How To Be a Super Confident INTJ

Confidence and Personality

Imagine the most confident person you can think of. He does what he feels is right, whether or not society agrees with him. He allows his authentic self to shine without worrying that others won’t accept him. He identifies what’s important and works to achieve it. He doesn’t judge those around him; instead, he offers help wherever he can. He strives to improve himself while accepting his flaws.

This confident person could have any personality type – confidence is not dependent on how extraverted or introverted you are, or whether you make decisions with your head or your heart. As an INTJ, you can take advantage of your personality type to develop confidence in your own unique ways.

INTJ’s Biggest Confidence Shakers

INTJs tend to be very confident in their abilities and ideas, but less confident in dealing with people. It is usually assumed that this is caused by their Introvert and Thinking preferences, which make it difficult for an INTJ to relate to others on an emotional level. However, the problem is largely due to the fact that INTJs are easily misunderstood by others. They easily make intuitive connections between seemingly unrelated facts and ideas, but often forget to explain those connections to other people.

Misunderstood

An INTJ’s thought process and priority in dealing with the world is somewhat unusual. Their interest is in:

  1. Gathering objective information about the world,
  2. Organizing that information into rational systems,
  3. Determining whether each new piece of information is useful or not,
  4. And re-evaluating previous beliefs and systems to accommodate the new information.

In this way, INTJs continually seek to learn and improve. INTJs also have highly evolved intuition, which they use in combination with their logical mind to quickly understand any concept. They know that their intuition and understanding is often correct, so they trust their own judgements and opinions.

The problem of being misunderstood arises when an INTJ is required to explain their insights and viewpoints to other people. Because they arrived at their conclusion in such an intuitive way, based on their large database of internal information and trusted intuition, their conclusion seems utterly obvious to them. It is not obvious to anyone else, though.

If the INTJ hasn’t learned how to reverse-engineer their own thought processes, they will have a difficult time explaining themselves. Consequently, they tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other person, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss people too quickly and appear to be arrogant or elitist.

Unrelatable

As Introverts and Thinkers, INTJs are aloof, reserved, and they appear to be unemotional. They do have emotions, but they don’t express them very readily. Since their focus is on logic rather than feelings, they have a hard time relating to outward expressions of emotion from other people. They may also feel awkward about offering emotional support in the form of praise or affection.

Because of this lack of emotional connection, people may misunderstand INTJs as being set in their ways or inflexible. This is the opposite of the truth, because INTJs are always seeking to improve themselves or their environments and they welcome new information. This is another case of INTJs being misunderstood, but it can be alleviated when INTJs make more effort to express themselves. If they don’t, they run the risk of becoming isolated. After many years of being misunderstood, an INTJ will be less and less motivated to learn how to deal with other people’s perceived shortcomings.

INTJ’s Biggest Confidence Boosters

The best way for INTJs to be happy and confident is to consciously work on their two main issues: making time to explain their thought processes, and becoming more relatable as a person.

Explain More Thoroughly

INTJs will find that they will be more easily understood when they make an effort to thoroughly explain their thought processes. INTJs have the ability to make quick connections between seemingly unrelated puzzle pieces and reach an insightful conclusion. INTJs are then dismayed when they hand those same puzzle pieces to another person and he does not make the same connections, instead looking at the INTJ with a blank stare.

Over time, this can make INTJs feel like the world just doesn’t “get” them.The good news is that there’s a simple solution to this: INTJs should take time to fully explain the thought process that led them to connect the puzzle pieces and form a conclusion. This affords them an opportunity to connect with people on a deeper level without feeling misunderstood.

Become More Relatable

As Thinkers, INTJs can become more relatable by recognizing and adapting to the Feeling traits of others. INTJs don’t readily display their emotions or offer emotional support, so they can appear to be cold and distant. There are two ways to easily improve this:

  1. Recognize when a friend or loved one wants emotional support. Your natural response to this is to offer a logical solution. Instead, remember that people often want a friendly ear or shoulder to cry on, and that support is actually helpful for them.
  2. When someone is expressing their emotions but you feel unable to match their enthusiasm, go ahead and acknowledge that. If you at least express your feelings in words, the other person will have more opportunity to understand your perspective.

Most INTJs are very interested in self-improvement because they seek to improve everything around them. They have a natural ability to gather data, analyze it, and put it to good use. INTJs who study personal relationships can gain enough insight into humanity that they will be able to pursue their own goals and interests without being held back by the difficulty of relating to other people. Any INTJ who wants to make this improvement is certainly capable of doing so.

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How to Be a Super Confident INFJ

How to Be a Super Confident INFJ

Confidence and Personality

Imagine the most confident person you can think of. He does what he feels is right, whether or not society agrees with him. He’s not afrai d to be himself, even when surrounded by people who might not understand him. He doesn’t judge those around him; instead, he offers help wherever he can. He strives to improve himself while accepting his flaws.

This supremely confident person could have any personality type – confidence is not dependent on how extraverted or introverted you are, or whether you uphold tradition or look to the future. Confidence comes from accepting and utilizing your individual strengths without concern for the opinion of others. As an INFJ, you can take advantage of your personality type to develop confidence in your own unique ways.

INFJ’s Biggest Confidence Shakers

INFJs have a rare and special personality type. They are highly intuitive and often have natural insights into people and situations. They are very gentle and caring people who always try to avoid hurting anyone. Their extremely intuitive nature makes them sensitive to conflict, and they therefore tend to hold back much of themselves for protection. Some will feel that it is difficult to fit into society, due to their private nature coupled with their extraordinarily intuitive capabilities.

A Rare Type

The INFJ personality type is one of the rarest, and therefore least understood by other people. As introverts, they are hesitant to open up to people, and because they have very low tolerance for conflict and criticism, they tend to hold themselves back from others. They’ve also learned through experience that people have a hard time understanding them, which makes them even more hesitant to show their true selves.

INFJs are unique, deep, and complex individuals. Sometimes their extremely intuitive nature is even a mystery to themselves. But they make great friends, partners, teachers, or counsellors, because they have a keen insight into people and situations and intuitively understand what others easily miss. They can use their insightful understanding about a situation to create a successful plan of action. Their empathy and genuine concern for others gives them an opportunity to be true servants for people in whatever way they choose – as doctors, therapists, or ministers, as examples.

Highly Intuitive

INFJs are highly intuitive – so much so that they might be considered psychic. This is largely because of their uncanny insight into the world, which they come to trust completely as they grow older. They know that their feelings are usually correct, and they trust their intuitions strongly because of that. The combination of introversion and strong intuition can become overwhelming for an INFJ.

As an intuitive introvert, they are constantly gathering information and considering everything from multiple perspectives. INFJs put a lot of energy into identifying the best way to get things done, and they continually re-define the priorities in their lives. They may feel overwhelmed by the constant bombardment of new information, which they feel they must thoroughly consider and sort out. Being intelligent people, they’re able to go into depth about any topic they find interesting, and they always want to fold new information into their inner world.

The result of this psychic bombardment is that an INFJ will cut off some sources of information. If something doesn’t match up with what’s already been processed and declared true, the INFJ will dismiss it out of hand because they so readily trust their established intuitions and have no room for conflicting ideas.

Dismissive

An INFJ who is overwhelmed with their introverted intuition can become intolerant of others. Believing so fully in their own insights, INFJs can be quick to dismiss outside ideas. In combination with their tendency to hold themselves back from other people, they might appear to be very tense and unfriendly towards others without even realizing it. This can quickly get out of control because INFJs have high expectations of themselves and don’t deal with criticism very well.

INFJs might experience a feedback loop of being misunderstood. They can have a hard time expressing their thoughts because they’re rooted so deeply in their intuitions. Having such a rare personality type, other people can’t easily understand them to begin with. This can make them feel that there’s no point in trying to process outside sources of input.

Solutions

The best way for an INFJ to solve these issues is to apply their Judgement trait in a more constructive manner. INFJs should use their judgement to support their intuition rather than to dismiss ideas. They must give themselves enough time to process new ideas before they decide to integrate or reject the information.

An INFJ’s experience of not fitting into society is largely created by not knowing how they come across to people, and by having too high of expectations for themselves and others. Both of these issues stem from becoming too overwhelmed and dismissing information that they should be processing internally. They may become too opinionated, especially on subjects that they’re passionate about, and then become upset or agitated when things don’t meet their high expectations, lashing out with biting sarcasm. Since INFJs genuinely do care about others, this situation is devastating for them.

The following are some tips that will help INFJs prevent this kind of problematic situation:

  • Be aware that you have a tendency to shut down when you feel overwhelmed. If you get to that point, take a break.
  • Make sure to listen carefully to a person’s ideas before passing judgement on them. Do whatever it takes to thoroughly understand the idea.
  • When talking with another person, take a moment to focus on the individual. Assess the person’s attitude and feelings. Be aware of the entire person.
  • If you become upset, walk away immediately. Only return when you’ve calmed down. An INFJ in an agitated state does not have the capability to be productive.

An INFJ who is interested in personal growth and takes steps toward understanding their personality can significantly improve their confidence and life experience. INFJs are rare and intelligent individuals who are creative, insightful, and gifted in ways that other types are not. They are natural nurturers who are patient, devoted, and protective of the important people in their lives.

They are loving parents, friends, and partners. They have natural talent for arts, sciences, and anything that lets them make use of their intuition. An INFJ can boost their confidence by accepting their gifts, allowing themselves to serve others in any way they see fit, and giving themselves enough time to process and integrate new information.

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How to Be a Super Confident ISTJ

How to Be a Super Confident ISTJ

ISTJs have strongly positive personality traits. They are known for being extremely reliable, dependable, loyal, and trustworthy. They are family-oriented people who love to help others, and they have a great capacity for storing facts and knowledge. It can be hard to imagine how these positive traits could cause an ISTJ to lack in self-confidence. This article will help ISTJs understand how to keep using their strengths for good, while avoiding the lurking potential for their traits to turn negative under the wrong circumstances.

Reliability

ITSJs can always be depended on. They are hard workers with a strong sense of duty, and they pride themselves on following through with what they’ve promised. ISTJs measure their self-worth by how efficiently and thoroughly they perform their jobs, chores, or favors for others.

What to Do

As an ISTJ, your stick-to-it attitude serves you well in your career. Once you’ve put your mind to something, you’ll make sure you accomplish what you set out to do. With your aptitude for memorization of hard facts and your love of structure, you have the ability to work through large amounts of routine work. This level of perseverance is an important trait for any employee, but ISTJs will also do well in executive or management positions, due to their organizational skills.

What Not to Do

Because you develop your sense of self-worth by always being dependable, you can easily overburden yourself. You might take on too many jobs or offer to help with too many projects. You have a hard time saying “no” when someone asks you for a favor. When you’ve taken on too much and your stress level rises, you have a tendency to start seeing everything in a negative light. You focus on all the things that could go wrong and start berating yourself for everything you could have done differently. To avoid this scenario, it’s necessary to create balance in your life. Only agree to take on the tasks that you can handle at the moment. You’ll be better equipped to accomplish them to your standards, and then you can move onto the next job.

Loyalty

ISTJs are very loyal and faithful, traits which are extensions of their dependability. They’re traditional, family-minded people who are dedicated parents and providers for their families.

What to Do

In personal and professional relationships, loyalty can be a rare and valuable trait. You’re naturally a reliable and dependable partner, employee, or friend. Your sense of self-esteem and self-worth are partially dependent on how loyal you consider yourself to be, and you always do your best to remain faithful.

What Not to Do

In some ways, being extremely reliable and loyal puts too much pressure on yourself and those around you. If someone does not act in the same highly dependable way, you will be more hurt than you would if it wasn’t so important to you. Loyalty, faithfulness, and reliability often depend on a lack of chaos, which is not always present in the world. Life can be messy, and it’s important to not become paralyzed by it. ISTJs can benefit from letting go of some of their tight restrictions—just enough to allow for the inevitabilities of life.

Respect

ISTJs gain self-respect when they feel that they’re contributing to the good of society and the individuals in their lives. They feel best about themselves when they’re helping others or contributing in positive ways. However, their need to be reliable and dependable means that they don’t give themselves enough credit for their hard work. Instead, they view it as something that they should be doing anyway.

What to Do

As an ISTJ, you will feel best about yourself when helping or taking care of someone. You also enjoy contributing positively to your group, whether that’s expressed by efficiently running an office or home, or by contributing to a larger cause that you feel passionate about. You will gain self-confidence through a sense of respectability that you get from these activities, especially when someone else recognizes your hard work. Getting positive feedback from others enhances your self-confidence and makes you feel both proud and grateful. It helps you continue your hard work and keep contributing.

What Not to Do

Don’t rely on validation from other people. That source of confidence will always be undependable. Give yourself credit for your achievements, and recognize the fact that you worked hard and followed through on your commitments. Those things are not a given for everyone, so acknowledge yourself for your work and accomplishments.

Experience

ISTJs hold facts in high regard, and they store many of them in their minds. They gather and store knowledge gained from their experiences, and use this knowledge to understand and work on new problems. They trust the facts that they’ve gathered from their experiences, and distrust anything that doesn’t seem to mesh with those facts. ISTJs are also traditionalists and like to do things by the book.

What to Do

You have an excellent ability to define tasks, organize systems, make plans, and follow them through to completion. You have tremendous potential for storing knowledge and using it to achieve your goals. You feel best when putting these talents to use for the greater good, or for the good of the people in your life. Always try to do this with an open heart and mind.

What Not to Do

Any ISTJ, if too concerned with their facts and traditions, can become quite inflexible—stubborn, insensitive to others, and judgmental. If you find that you’re unwilling to consider new ideas, it may be a sign that you’ve fallen into a habit of rejecting anything that doesn’t jive with your trusted facts. Don’t resist something solely on the basis of how well it fits in with your previous experiences. Become a super confident ISTJ by acknowledging your own hard work, remaining loyal and dependable, and opening up your capacity for knowledge to new and unexpected ideas and perspectives.

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7 ISFJ Secrets

7 ISFJ Secrets

ISFJs are dependable, generous, and sensitive people. They are at their best when helping those around them. They have an excellent memory for details, and they love to create structure and organized systems. ISFJs are very in tune with their surroundings, they value security and traditional living, and they take their responsibilities seriously.

1. They Put Your Needs First

The ISFJ personality type is referred to as “The Nurturer.” Whether the individual is male or female, ISFJs value their relationships and place a great deal of importance on them. They are loving and giving people who place the needs of others above their own. They are very dependable and put a lot of effort toward keeping their environment running smoothly, both at work and at home.

None of that should come as a big shock to anyone who has a close relationship with an ISFJ, but the degree to which an ISFJ puts your needs first might be surprising. ISFJs are often taken for granted because they will rarely say “no” when asked to do something. They take their commitments so seriously, and they so genuinely want to provide for others, that they will do anything they can to help you.

2. They Need Your Support

Since ISFJs always focus on the needs of others, it’s easy to miss the fact that they need to be supported, too. They need it even more than other personality types because they create their sense of self-worth by serving others and being helpful.

ISFJs need positive feedback so that they know their efforts are being appreciated. Without positive feedback, and especially in the face of criticism, ISFJs will become discouraged and even depressed. ISFJs are very sensitive to negative criticism and they take it personally. It makes them feel like they can’t do anything right, and they start to worry that everything is going to go wrong.

3. They Remember What You Said and Did

ISFJs have great memories for what people have said and done in the past. They use this talent to give people perfect gifts or just the right compliment. They also use their excellent memories to connect with the people around them. Although they are Introverts, they have a unique ability to make special connections, both personal and professional. ISFJs will also use their exceptional memories to detect lies or discrepancies. If you try to change your story, an ISFJ will remember the way you originally told it. Since ISFJs are sticklers for the rules, they probably won’t let you get away with it.

4. They Enforce the Rules

ISFJs do things by the book. They value order, and they’re good at creating it and enforcing it. They can’t stand chaos or messiness, so they’re always coming up with a new structure or set of rules to be followed. They might feel uncomfortable with enforcing these rules, but they do it anyway because it’s so important to them. From their viewpoint, they rules are in place to help everyone, so you’d do best to follow them. They have little tolerance for rule-breakers.

5. They are Perfectionists

ISFJs feel that they must do their best in every situation, and most become perfectionists. Perfectionism can be a strength and a weakness. ISFJs want everything in their lives to be perfect, and that includes their work, their relationships, their family, and their coworkers. ISFJs can get lost in a feeling of never having done enough, or well enough, and since they don’t give themselves enough credit, this can spiral out of control. ISFJs must relax their strict standards enough to let go of some details and situations.

6. Their Stubbornness is Due to Discomfort

ISFJs can sometimes be seen as stubborn and even judgmental, which comes as a surprise since they are naturally so kind, generous, and comforting to others. ISFJs are traditionalists who have strict values for morality. They find it difficult to accept new opinions if they challenge their established habits or principles. ISFJs simply feel uncomfortable with it. It feels unsafe to them, as if their carefully constructed world is being threatened, so their inflexibility is a defense mechanism more than a negative judgement of other people.

7. They Achieve More Than You Realize

As people who put the needs of others before their own, ISFJs have a tendency to downplay their own accomplishments. They shy away from showing how much they’ve done, and they’re also reluctant to give their true opinions. ISFJs can be overlooked for promotions or other recognition at work, and their contributions at home will often be taken for granted.

This is unfortunate because ISFJs need approval and positive feedback to shore up their self-esteem. Being more open about their achievements would bring them more acknowledgement, which would then give them a boost to continue the work that they place so much importance on. If you have an ISFJ in your life, don’t ignore everything they do, even if it seems like they don’t want recognition. Acknowledge their dedication and hard work, and give them the support and encouragement they need to keep going.

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How to be a Super Confident ENTJ

How to be a Super Confident ENTJ

ENTJs are already confident people, as natural leaders who have an inborn talent to take control of any situation. They are straightforward, logical thinkers who constantly create new solutions for business, management, or even government. They have a large personal presence that helps them organize and motivate others. They usually feel that they’re capable of anything, and they’re usually right about that. What could cause a naturally confident person such as an ENTJ to feel a sense of low self-worth or self-esteem? When it happens, it’s the result of their strong personality traits backfiring on them.

A Social Weakness for an Extravert

Although ENTJs are extraverts who love conversation and being with people, they can sometimes be considered socially awkward, or at the very least, condescending and abrasive. ENTJs have very high standards that they apply to themselves and other people. They can become so irritated with mistakes or inefficiency that they behave too harshly towards others. They don’t consider other people’s feelings, and may believe that they have no reason to spare a person’s feelings because they “should have known better.”

When ENTJs are already in a bad mood or in weakened state of self-worth, they may try to shore up their self-esteem by becoming even more arrogant and reiterating the reasons why their methods are best, or why their reasoning is the most correct. They might take any disagreement regarding what is most rational as a personal rejection of their own values.

This makes them appear even more condescending as they discount the contributions or ideas of other people and try to solidify their control over the situation. ENTJs who fall into a pattern of trying to force their views onto others in an overbearing way will undoubtedly experience difficulty fitting in with those around them. That’s a blow to anyone’s self-esteem, whether they’d like to admit it or not.

Develop Your Feeling Side

If you’re an ENTJ who would like to avoid these problems, the first step is to realize that you might not be very good at understanding how people feel. If you haven’t taken the time to develop empathy, it might be something you’ve skipped over entirely, because you’ve preferred to focus on logical, rational facts and theories.

ENTJs do have deep feelings, despite what others may think. You may even have a sentimental streak that you’ve always tried to hide because you think feelings are a weakness. Stuffing down your emotions doesn’t do anyone any good, though, and it suppresses an opportunity to connect with others.

As someone who is intelligent and loves learning and improving, you can treat this like any other project. ENTJs would do well to study other people to learn what causes certain emotions, and why. Once you can recognize the warning signs, you can better navigate your way through the world of human emotion. It will make you a much more powerful and effective leader.

Develop Your Intuition

Although ENTJs have the “N” (Intuition) personality trait, they take a very rational and logical approach to life. They prefer to rely only on concrete facts, even though they have the capacity for intuition. They use their intuition to come up with new solutions or imagine a better way of doing something, but they don’t trust their gut instincts.

If you have not developed your intuition, you risk making decisions too quickly, before you have a full understanding of the issue and all possible solutions. Oftentimes, ENTJs believe that their view of the world is the only correct one, since they arrived at it via their logical, rational thought process.

However, ENTJs who develop their intuition will greatly enhance their capacity for leadership, awareness, and change. When ENTJs learn to trust the quiet voice in their heads, they are more able to include input from others into their decisions. They develop a talent for addressing social issues and helping people get past difficult life situations because they are more aware of the needs of others.

ENTJs feel the most confident when they can use their resourcefulness and intelligence to create new solutions and improve the world around them. They become even more practical and useful when they develop their emotional awareness and intuitive capabilities, making them better leaders and contributors to society. An ENTJ who is at the top of self-confidence and self-awareness can accomplish anything.

7 Secrets of the ESTJ Personality Type

7 Secrets of the ESTJ Personality Type

7 Secrets of the ESTJ Personality Type

ESTJs are natural leaders who have a clear vision of how everything should be. They uphold traditions, laws, and their own strict beliefs. They expect others to honor traditions and laws as well, and they don’t tolerate those who won’t. The ESTJ personality type can become inflexible and even judgmental because they place so much weight on their value systems. But they’re hard workers, dependable, and put a lot of effort into everything they do. ESTJs are practical, realistic, and loyal.

They Desire Structure and Security

Most of what the ESTJ personality type does is for the promotion of security and order. ESTJs highly value security for themselves, their family, and their community. This includes social order and traditions—they are uncomfortable with those who go against society or try to shake things up. They can’t stand any sort of chaos and will define new rules and structures to keep everything orderly.

This makes them good managers or team leaders, because they know how to define and distribute tasks and responsibilities. It can also make them very intolerant of anyone that they don’t understand. Their intolerance comes from a place of insecurity because they see the unknown as a threat to their family, home, or community’s safety.

They Will Never Break the Rules

ESTJs are natural leaders who can easily create new rules, but they also strongly believe in following the rules that are already in place. They believe that their principles, and the rules that govern them, are a matter of morality and decency. Their rules define “appropriate” attitudes and behavior that they expect everyone to follow. Their belief in the rules is so strong that ESTJs will not break them, even in cases in which breaking the rules would actually be the better choice. This isn’t necessarily because they love the laws themselves, but because they feel it’s the best way to keep everything in order, and therefore the best way to keep themselves and their families safe.

They Thrive in Hierarchy

ESTJs can do well in many types of jobs or careers because they put a lot of effort into everything they do. The ESTJ type is well-suited for leadership positions because they have a natural drive to be in charge. They do best in positions which require the creation of structure and order. They’re loyal and dedicated people who feel a deep obligation to their duties and responsibilities. They gravitate towards institutions that are structured in a hierarchy, such as the military, police force, government, and even organizations like Universities or large corporate businesses.

They are Model Citizens

ESTJs are law-abiding, loyal, and hardworking people. They’re loyal to their family, friends, workplace, country, and their favorite sports teams. They take their commitments seriously and can always be depended on. ESTJs will always attend PTA meetings, local government meetings, and homeowner’s association meetings. They make sure to vote, volunteer at their children’s schools, and donate to good causes.

They Seek Social Status

The ESTJ personality type can become too materialistic and conscious of their social status. They highly value social order and structure, and can become too focused on it. At the best, they want to be respected by their friends and coworkers, and at the worst, they become overly concerned with how they compare to their neighbors.

ESTJs develop a set of strict standards throughout their lives, and they apply these as judgments to everyone around them. They disapprove of anyone who doesn’t measure up, or simply lives a different kind of life. Most of these standards are social principles that the ESTJ believes should be followed unconditionally. Being so concerned about how others lead their lives causes a lot of unnecessary stress. ESTJs who believe in and follow their rules too stringently may be dishonoring their own true needs and desires.

They are Stressed by Uncertainty

ESTJs love the tried-and-tested and prefer solutions that have been proven to work in the past, and they are uncomfortable when they need to try something new. They love tradition and the established structure, and will quickly dismiss anything they think is unconventional or unknown to them. Even if there’s a good chance that a new solution would be better than the old one, ESTJs prefer to stick to what they already know. When forced into the unknown, they become stressed and frazzled, which further destabilizes their sense of order.

They Do Have Emotions

ESTJs can sometimes appear emotionless, and are certainly insensitive in some cases. They pride themselves in being logical and rational, and may even consider emotions to be a sign of weakness. Some might even claim not to have any emotions at all, especially about a certain topic or situation.

ESTJs do have emotions, but they prefer not to express them, and they keep them hidden from the world. This makes it hard for them to communicate their feelings and to understand those of others. They often forget to take people’s feelings into account, which makes them seem uncaring or too harsh. ESTJs develop a habit of channeling their emotions into their rational, logical decision-making process, which serves them well, most of the time.

ESTJs who would like to better connect with others on an emotional level should first allow their own feelings to exist without so much resistance. ESTJs will always refrain from displaying their emotions publicly, but it will benefit them to notice other people’s feelings and take them into consideration.

6 Secrets of the ENFP Personality Type

6 Secrets of the ENFP Personality Type

6 Secrets of the ENFP Personality Type

ENFPs are intensely emotional people who are often well-liked by everyone around them. They have a strong value system that they live by, which says that people should be respected as individuals and allowed to pursue their own freedoms. People with the ENFP personality type have a hard time following through with their projects, but can achieve great success when they learn to focus. Those ENFPs who create balance in their lives will experience positivity all around them.

They Stick to Their Values

ENFPs have a set of values that they strongly adhere to. They are intuitives who see deeper meaning in everything around them, and they use that insight to work for what they believe is right. ENFPs, as outgoing and charismatic people, could easily become manipulative and attempt to control others, but they don’t let themselves go down that path because it would take them too far from their values. People with the ENFP personality type are typical extraverts in many ways, but they also need some time alone to center themselves and regain balance. They frequently reassess their decisions and efforts to make sure that they are being true to themselves and going in the right direction.

They Have a Hard Time Following Through

ENFPs can have a hard time following through with their projects, sticking with relationships, and they generally don’t consider practical matters to be very important. They are always excited about the next thing, and might even forget to eat if they are sufficiently distracted. As their enthusiasm for the current situation wanes and something new and exciting catches their attention, ENFPs often fall into the trap of jumping from project to project, job to job, or relationship to relationship. This isn’t necessarily because they are fickle, but rather because they see exciting opportunities all around them and are comfortable with change. But if they don’t learn to focus their attention, they will never live up to their great potential.

ENFPs are fortunate in that they can achieve success in many different areas, but they should only take jobs in which they can creatively generate new ideas and work with people. Any job that has them doing boring, routine tasks will be a poor choice. In relationships, their strong value system will keep them more dedicated than they would otherwise be, but they should choose partners that are just as flexible and future-oriented as they are.

They Develop Their People Skills Over Time

Any ENFP you run across will be a charming and outgoing “people person.” What you might not realize is that they developed their people skills throughout their lives. Young ENFPs have difficulty with a strong need to be liked by other people, and can overdo their efforts to gain acceptance. They might be clingy or seem insincere with over-the-top attempts to get attention.

The ENFP personality type is genuinely interested in people and places great importance on their personal relationships with others. As they grow, they learn to balance their need for acceptance with their need to be true to themselves, and they become very well-liked individuals. They develop their intuitive ability to understand others, which helps them relate to a wide variety of people.

 

They Have a Deep Respect for Others

Closely intertwined with their value system is the ENFP’s respect for the individuality of other people. One of the reasons why ENFPs are so well-liked is that they allow other people to be who they truly are. They accept and value people as individuals, and they even hold the needs of the individual above the needs of the group. They believe that everyone has a right to be themselves, and they are very tolerant and accepting.

ENFPs strongly dislike being controlled by others, and they do not control other people. They might even become intensely angry when they see people being controlled or suppressed. They will certainly become angry when people harshly criticize or try to control them. Unfortunately, ENFPs often leave this anger unexpressed because they don’t want to hurt others by directing that anger towards them.

They are Intensely Emotional

ENFPs are intensely emotional people. They are intuitive, sensitive, and consider feelings to be something that everyone should respect and express. This trait can actually cause people with the ENFP personality type a good deal of stress. They focus on the meaning behind other people’s words and actions, and they see life as a large puzzle with many inter-connected complexities.

ENFPs attempt to use their perceptions of people and the world as a basis for their decisions, and this exposes them to emotional turbulence. Their emotional sensitivity therefore becomes subject to the unstable nature of the world around them, which can threaten their otherwise self-confident and enthusiastic personality. But when they have this under control, an ENFP’s emotional enthusiasm can be inspiring and motivating for those around them.

They Need Balance

ENFPs who want to live happy and productive lives should make a conscious effort to balance all of the traits discussed above. They have a natural inclination to do this already. ENFPs are good at switching between work and relaxation, and they use that as a way to cope and reduce stress. Their emotional sensitivity opens them up to feeling discouraged or disappointed with the world, and their constant analysis of people’s motives can be exhausting.

To compensate, some ENFPs go too far in the other direction, attempting to stifle their inner voice with activities like shopping or drinking. Most of the time, ENFPs are on the right track when they shut off their “work brain” and switch to relaxation mode. They should be careful to do this in a constructive manner so that they can balance all areas of their lives. ENFPs seek harmony in their lives and environments, and usually make a good effort toward creating something positive.

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What is Grit? 5 Signs you have it and 4 Tips for Developing It

What is Grit? 5 Signs you have it and 4 Tips for Developing It

What is Grit?

Grit is often found in the underdog—a person or fictional character who perseveres and ultimately succeeds despite the odds being stacked against him. Consider Frodo Baggins, the small Hobbit who had never been far from home, and was tasked with carrying a volatile object across the entire known world. With the help of a few friends and his own great determination, he persisted through many dangers and setbacks. If Frodo had been a wizard or had the power to fly, his journey would not have required any grit. It is grit that helps a person overcome his shortcomings or disadvantages and allows him to succeed.

If you want a dictionary definition of grit, here are two: “courage and resolve; strength of character,” or “mental toughness and courage.” You can find it in many people around you. It’s in the students who have to study hard to pass each test, and in the average athletes who become superstars after years of practice. It’s in small business owners who start with nothing and build a profitable business over time, and it’s in a tired parent who does her best every single day.

Angela Duckworth, a University of Pennsylvania psychologist and MacArthur “genius,” recently defined grit as a child’s “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” Many studies have shown that this type of attitude is a better indicator of future earnings and happiness than either IQ or talent. It seems that no matter how cheerful, smart, or talented you are, you won’t reach your goals unless you’re also willing to put in the work to get there, and that work often has to be done under difficult circumstances. The amount of grit that you have—your courage, perseverance, and determination—may be a better indicator of your ultimate results.

5 Signs You Have Grit

1. You Won’t Let Things Go

Grit is thought to be a trait of perseverance. A person who has perseverance will steadfastly pursue a task in spite of obstacles or distractions, and adds a layer of passion to it. If you have grit, you probably feel like once you’ve decided to do something, you’re “on a mission” to complete it and you won’t stop no matter what happens.

2. You Turn Lemons into Lemonade

People who are hardy often have grit because they persist through difficult circumstances. They can look at potential disasters and see them as opportunities for growth. Hardy people are those who rebuild their home after a tornado rips it apart, and they use it as an opportunity to build something better. They may be just as upset as someone without grit, but they literally grit their teeth and push forward.

3. You’ve Survived Tough Challenges

Resilience is a good indicator of grit. If you’ve overcome tough adversity by adapting, and without giving up on your goals, you have grit. Psychologists often study resilience in children who come from “at-risk” environments or circumstances. Those who are born into luxury generally don’t need grit to thrive, but those who are born into adversity may need it simply to survive. Resiliency can also be found in those who have lived through a life-changing medical diagnosis and never gave up on their dreams, and even in those who have always just felt like the world was a little bit against them, but they kept trying.

4. You Enjoy Self Improvement

Grit is seen in people who have ambition, but not necessarily for the purpose of gaining fame and fortune. Rather, it’s in a desire to better themselves or their circumstances, to obtain personal goals, or to distinguish themselves from others through creativity or inventiveness. Gritty people push themselves to grow despite natural setbacks. They don’t worry too much about perfection, instead striving for excellence, or simply to become better than they were before.

 

5. You Have a Strong Will

If you have a lot of willpower or self-control, you might also have a lot of grit. Gritty people can control their emotions in the face of adversity, or at least handle their emotions well enough that they don’t derail their plans. More importantly, those with grit can set goals for themselves and steadfastly pursue them without wavering or straying too far from the plan.

4 Tips for Developing Grit

Some people will naturally develop grit throughout the course of their lives, especially if they were born into difficult circumstances and strove to better themselves in spite of those circumstances. But if you feel like you might be lacking grit, and you want to develop some, here are some tips:

1. Take Any Step toward a Passion or Interest

Grit and determination are usually present when you’re pursing a goal that you feel is really worth pursuing. You won’t be as likely to power through tough times if you’re not all that interested or invested in what you’re doing. Start by taking any step you can toward something that you’re genuinely interested in doing or improving.

2. Don’t Quit at the First Sign of Trouble

Often when we take up a new hobby or start working toward a new goal, things go pretty well until we’re suddenly faced with a problem. It can feel as if the problem is a test designed to determine whether we’re really interested in pursuing this goal. A person with grit will keep working with the mindset that this problem is just part of the overall process.

3. Attempt Something that Feels Difficult

Grit does not come from doing things that are easy. You’ll develop grit by pushing yourself to achieve in the face of difficulty. It doesn’t matter how others perceive the difficulty level of whatever it is that you’re doing—it only matters how much you’re pushing yourself. Doing something outside your comfort zone is a quick way to develop and grow as a person.

4. Re-Attempt Something You Gave Up On

The real spirit of grit is in striving toward something in spite of the fact that you have a hard hill to climb. It takes a lot of courage and determination to keep trying when you’ve already failed. But when you do succeed, the rewards are even greater because your perseverance paid off. Even if you never succeed at a particular battle, you can learn from what you did accomplish.

To date, most of the scientific information that we have about grit comes from Angela Duckworth’s studies. It shows that people who are willing to tirelessly work through challenges despite adversity are much more likely to reach higher achievement, so much so that it outperforms personality and IQ as a predictor of future happiness and success. So while it’s true that grit may be naturally forged in the hardships of early life, it can also be cultivated by those who wish to improve themselves.